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mrkilbornI hope you all got to see the holiday classic "Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer," Saturday evening on CBS, The Tiffany Network. If not, don't worry! here's my recap of the story.
Once upon a time there was a snowman with a beard.
He was one hip cat, since he knew how to throw down with the tartan vest and the pocket watch. Look at him stylin'!
Anyway, the nameless snowman in the derby... why don't we just call him Frosty? Frosty tells us about the history of Christmastown, which is also known as the North Pole! Seems that people who are different aren't appreciated there. Two of these people were Rudolph, and Hermie, an elf who didn't want to make toys!
I mean, who ever heard of an elf who didn't want to make toys? That's like a dwarf that doesn't like to mine, for heaven's sake! Or an Oompa Loompa that hates chocolate! Insanity!
And a RED nosed reindeer? That's just crazy talk. Everybody knows that flying reindeer only have black, dark brown or burnt sienna snouts. We were told that Rudolph was the son of Mr. and Mrs. Donner. But neither of them even has a hint of a pink proboscis! So this was truly a genetic anomaly, wouldn't you think?
Anyhoo, Rudolph wasn't a slouch when it came to the ladies... he got himself some four legged nookie from Clarice... "The Unsilence Of The Deer!" Hello, Clarice!
This pic was taken shortly after she was stuffed and mounted.
Hey don't send me letters! She was stuffed and mounted by RUDOLPH, okay people?
Unfortunately, that kind of horniness, er, happiness couldn't last. Rudolph gets run out of town for clashing with Santa's ensemble. Likewise, Hermie loses his job, because getting him to work was like pulling teeth.
But then, Hermie and Rudy run into a hulking, hairy monster, intent on taking them and eating them while they lay in the snow! I'm talking about...
The frightening...
The weird...
The freakazoid...
Hey! How come Yukon Cornelius's tongue never stuck to the cold metal of his icepick? Anybody ever figure out that one?
So, our bearded Father (Michael Jacksonesque) figure took our two misfit lads into his care, hauling them away to a remote island filled with BIZARRO toys!
Scary, huh? Rudy was smart enough not to go to sleep there, though. He turned tail as soon as everyone was out for the night, and just ran and ran and ran!
But soon, his urges to get back with Clarice were too strong. He wanted her with fava beans and a nice Chianti!
"Venison, anyone?"
He realized that the danger, as always, came from within. He would have to battle his own inner demons to get the job done!
He took a serious look inside his heart.
Here is what he saw:
Oh, yikes! He couldn't do it! It was too, what's the word? Illin'?
Instead he got Hermie to defang this sweet old teddy bear.
Phew! Okay, Grover! Have an Altoids.
Then that foggy Christmas Eve, Santa Came to say...
"Mack daddy, can you roll with the fresh flava?"
Meanwhile, Yukon was gettin it on with his new playmate...
Oh, yeah! The mistletoe belt buckle was in full effect! Boy gets monster in the end, pun intended! Hea hea!
And as for Frosty, he joined in for a three way, but it got so hot, he melted.
Have a Holly Jolly Christmas!
(Unless, of course, you're one of the millions who doesn't celebrate that holiday.)
Once upon a time there was a snowman with a beard.
He was one hip cat, since he knew how to throw down with the tartan vest and the pocket watch. Look at him stylin'!
Anyway, the nameless snowman in the derby... why don't we just call him Frosty? Frosty tells us about the history of Christmastown, which is also known as the North Pole! Seems that people who are different aren't appreciated there. Two of these people were Rudolph, and Hermie, an elf who didn't want to make toys!
I mean, who ever heard of an elf who didn't want to make toys? That's like a dwarf that doesn't like to mine, for heaven's sake! Or an Oompa Loompa that hates chocolate! Insanity!
And a RED nosed reindeer? That's just crazy talk. Everybody knows that flying reindeer only have black, dark brown or burnt sienna snouts. We were told that Rudolph was the son of Mr. and Mrs. Donner. But neither of them even has a hint of a pink proboscis! So this was truly a genetic anomaly, wouldn't you think?
Anyhoo, Rudolph wasn't a slouch when it came to the ladies... he got himself some four legged nookie from Clarice... "The Unsilence Of The Deer!" Hello, Clarice!
This pic was taken shortly after she was stuffed and mounted.
Hey don't send me letters! She was stuffed and mounted by RUDOLPH, okay people?
Unfortunately, that kind of horniness, er, happiness couldn't last. Rudolph gets run out of town for clashing with Santa's ensemble. Likewise, Hermie loses his job, because getting him to work was like pulling teeth.
But then, Hermie and Rudy run into a hulking, hairy monster, intent on taking them and eating them while they lay in the snow! I'm talking about...
The frightening...
The weird...
The freakazoid...
Hey! How come Yukon Cornelius's tongue never stuck to the cold metal of his icepick? Anybody ever figure out that one?
So, our bearded Father (Michael Jacksonesque) figure took our two misfit lads into his care, hauling them away to a remote island filled with BIZARRO toys!
Scary, huh? Rudy was smart enough not to go to sleep there, though. He turned tail as soon as everyone was out for the night, and just ran and ran and ran!
But soon, his urges to get back with Clarice were too strong. He wanted her with fava beans and a nice Chianti!
"Venison, anyone?"
He realized that the danger, as always, came from within. He would have to battle his own inner demons to get the job done!
He took a serious look inside his heart.
Here is what he saw:
Oh, yikes! He couldn't do it! It was too, what's the word? Illin'?
Instead he got Hermie to defang this sweet old teddy bear.
Phew! Okay, Grover! Have an Altoids.
Then that foggy Christmas Eve, Santa Came to say...
"Mack daddy, can you roll with the fresh flava?"
Meanwhile, Yukon was gettin it on with his new playmate...
Oh, yeah! The mistletoe belt buckle was in full effect! Boy gets monster in the end, pun intended! Hea hea!
And as for Frosty, he joined in for a three way, but it got so hot, he melted.
Have a Holly Jolly Christmas!
(Unless, of course, you're one of the millions who doesn't celebrate that holiday.)
